I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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