If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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