it's like iHOP with fire
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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