I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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