Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
