Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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