She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
