Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
