I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
