so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize