dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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