was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
