i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
