your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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