All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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