Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
