Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
