Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
