In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
