woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
