Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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