guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
