coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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