I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You can't just leave with hair like that
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
