Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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