Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
