Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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