so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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