I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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