matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
