You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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