your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
