I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
