I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize