It's like God shit irony all over that family
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
