So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
