lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
