Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
wanna go halves on a baby?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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