ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
