Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
