Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
