speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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