she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
