i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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