dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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