He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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