i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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