this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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