Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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