Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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