mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
