May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
