it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
