I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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