That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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