I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
