he thought i was a dude.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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