you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
