I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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