Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How does one acquire holy water?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
