We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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