You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
