Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
