I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
