I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
