you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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