I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
