Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
