Please, let me fuck your mom
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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