Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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