I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Someone came in the potted fern
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
