My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
