haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
