I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
