new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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