Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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