my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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