For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
